You're earring is so big in my mouth
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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