Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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