I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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