is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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