went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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