it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize