Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
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