This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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