he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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