Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
