Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
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I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
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I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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