when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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