life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
