We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize