And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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