you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
