Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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