I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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