dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
