in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
