maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
