Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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