she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
