part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
