Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He? As in you personified your dick?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
