oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
