trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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