also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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