Porn is love you can see.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
