Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
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I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots