She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?