I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
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I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
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You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable