My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday