WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
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why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
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I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?