Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
