I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
