wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
