sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just had sex on a roof
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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