My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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