My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
There's always time for handjobs
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
