I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
