Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
