i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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