i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
