this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
