He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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