well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
