You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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