she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
