I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
