first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
