im drinking this country out of the recession.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
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you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
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He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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