so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
No more Irish car bombs ever.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
