I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
