I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
