I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
