I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
