woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
