Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(503): View more from Oregon

do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?

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(503): do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster? http://tfl.nu/6xmt

Replies (20) Good night (5155) Bad night (1207)
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(516): View more from New York

she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".

(917): View more from New York City

I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.

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(516): she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag". (917): I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag. http://tfl.nu/7xie

Replies (57) Good night (1470) Bad night (11548)
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(214): View more from Texas

Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.

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(214): Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned. http://tfl.nu/8xw4

Replies (23) Good night (1533) Bad night (4383)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls

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(508): I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls http://tfl.nu/izkj

Replies (4) Good night (2069) Bad night (1462)
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(705): View more from Ontario

You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.

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(705): You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden. http://tfl.nu/3tyu

Replies (11) Good night (2015) Bad night (1206)
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(865): View more from Tennessee

Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?

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(865): Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale? http://tfl.nu/nfui

Replies (4) Good night (1053) Bad night (2205)
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(619): View more from California

We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.

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(619): We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend. http://tfl.nu/mtuw

Replies (4) Good night (2046) Bad night (751)
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(519): View more from Ontario

You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.

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(519): You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you. http://tfl.nu/7uzq

Replies (5) Good night (1973) Bad night (1115)
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(713): View more from Texas

We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.

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(713): We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning. http://tfl.nu/f21r

Replies (2) Good night (2291) Bad night (690)
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.

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(814): This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off. http://tfl.nu/kq64

Replies (11) Good night (689) Bad night (1102)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.

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(+44): Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least. http://tfl.nu/hzkn

Replies (11) Good night (1379) Bad night (571)
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(903): View more from Texas

And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.

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(903): And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table. http://tfl.nu/a0uv

Replies (1) Good night (768) Bad night (420)
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(404): View more from Georgia

I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support

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(404): I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support http://tfl.nu/236u

Replies (3) Good night (659) Bad night (359)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo

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(732): Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo http://tfl.nu/n5dp

Replies (6) Good night (375) Bad night (256)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog

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(570): Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog http://tfl.nu/gmkp

Replies (1) Good night (580) Bad night (206)

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