Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood