I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
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I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
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This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.