i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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