Texts From Last Night

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  (530): View more from California

  shit pants at work. discarded underwear.

  (1-530): View more from California

  just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?

  (530): View more from California

  yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.

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  (530): shit pants at work. discarded underwear. (1-530): just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now? (530): yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye. http://tfl.nu/oxzl
  Replies (44) Good night (1139) Bad night (5072)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?

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  (443): a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy? http://tfl.nu/2h5u
  Replies (32) Good night (859) Bad night (3412)
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  (585): View more from New York

  Congratulations on your moose knuckle.

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.

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  (585): Congratulations on your moose knuckle. (614): Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated. http://tfl.nu/9z1g
  Replies (7) Good night (2945) Bad night (909)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.

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  (715): I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed. http://tfl.nu/mebd
  Replies (21) Good night (4778) Bad night (893)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down

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  (513): he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down http://tfl.nu/ig2f
  Replies (8) Good night (6715) Bad night (1333)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?

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  (512): Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You? http://tfl.nu/i2et
  Replies (26) Good night (7545) Bad night (1475)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat

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  (913): Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat http://tfl.nu/os6y
  Replies (29) Good night (6968) Bad night (1485)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...

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  (240): He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me... http://tfl.nu/wuq4
  Replies (12) Good night (2925) Bad night (4560)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...

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  (705): APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk... http://tfl.nu/biv4
  Replies (5) Good night (3764) Bad night (1054)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.

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  (469): FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES. http://tfl.nu/zom1
  Replies (19) Good night (3856) Bad night (1411)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.

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  (214): The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship. http://tfl.nu/tn77
  Replies (3) Good night (1102) Bad night (789)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.

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  (406): At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa. http://tfl.nu/1ggh
  Replies (3) Good night (1766) Bad night (710)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.

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  (330): There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists. http://tfl.nu/kdms
  Replies (4) Good night (407) Bad night (876)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.

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  (304): We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital. http://tfl.nu/hshf
  Replies (2) Good night (1035) Bad night (399)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  I could fuck to npr.

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  (804): I could fuck to npr. http://tfl.nu/mjwh
  Replies (2) Good night (408) Bad night (288)

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