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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"

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• (408): View more from California

  When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?

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• (415): View more from California

  sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.

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• 

  Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (210): View more from Texas

  OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?

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• (660): View more from Missouri

  I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..

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• (360): View more from Washington

  That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.

  (206): View more from Washington

  You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.

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  19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (954): View more from Florida

  I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.

  (941): View more from Florida

  Oh at the liquor store again?

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.

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• (561): View more from Florida

  Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...

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• (206): View more from Washington

  Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.

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• (406): View more from Montana

  Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.

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