2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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