Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
