the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
