I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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