end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
