I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
