I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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