...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
