I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
