My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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