drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
