A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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