I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
