I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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